A bad batch of newborns are terrorizing the self-proclaimed "utopian" city of Stains. They cause enough of a fuss to catch the attention of the dreaded President Meat Bag, who traces the unruly behavior back to an incident involving a bucket of fried chicken. Now that he's found the culprit, HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL! To punish the newborns, Meat Bag puts them all on Shit Duty, a program meant to reform troubled citizens via a series of humiliating tasks. It's here where our beloved protagonist first falls in love. However, much to his mother's chagrin, the girl he's become smitten with is a good for nothing "outsider" who's been banished from the city. She thinks this outsider is a terrible influence on her young, impressionable son and begs him to keep her at a distance. But if he's learned anything in his short time on earth, it's that all the things he's been told is good and important...kinda sucks. Will our newborn give in to his mother's wishes and take his father's recently vacated position in the town's creamed corn factory? Or will he take love by the hand and start a revolution? You already fucking know. * This story was originally published under the title NAKED BRUNCH.