Author Description

My name is Julie, and I'm an addict. I'm also a former porn star, centerfold, and criminal. I wear many hats, most of which are a product of my childhood. Actually, they're a product of something that happened before I was even born. I was supposed to have an older brother, Geoffrey, but I didn't--not because Geoffrey wasn't born, but because at five years old he drank Kool- Aid at a birthday party laced with cyanide. That incident would go on to set the tone for my dysfunctional childhood. I didn't stand a chance. As a kid, I saw and experienced way too much. I was the little girl other little girls weren't allowed to play with. By the time I was a teen, it was clear my acting out was more than just a stage. I drank. I smoked pot. I got arrested. I flirted with teachers. I found my power at an early age--my body, and I had enough trauma in my past that I was willing to use it in all the wrong ways. The first time I stripped it was to prove to an abusive boyfriend that I was as pretty as the other girls on stage. When stripping wasn't enough, I started doing adult films. Terrible men and objectification was the name of the game. I also had drugs to keep me company along the way. Then when an AIDS scare pushed me out of the business, I found a life of crime alongside members of an infamous motorcycle gang was just as sexy as a life in front of a camera. I suppose I've always been confused about what the word "sexy" means, and I imagine you'll realize that as you read. This is a life story full of awful stuff --childhood abuse, early onset addiction, men who hurt me emotionally and physically, and careers that no little girl dreams about having one day. My name is Julie, and I am an addict. My addiction has caused me to hurt a lot of people, but addicts are also people who have been hurt, a lot. It can be hard to understand an addict because we're, well, unpredictable. My story is also unpredictable, but it is me, and it has surprising glimpses of hope i