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I trusted. I screamed. I pleaded. I was in pain. I called for help. I was all alone I was in pain all alone. I looked at the darkness that surrounded me and wondered if it leveled up to the darkness that lived in me. I wanted peace. I wanted to rest. I had no power on my life any longer because baby Joan was now the one controlling every second of it. Digesting in the darkness that surrounded me for the last time, I silently told Mom how sorry I was and struggled until the life was drained out of me.