Author Description

This begins my journey... Sitting at my desk...now married with 3 very young children, working for a company that custom built fire trucks, I was trying to type a report "perfectly" as the inspector waited patiently in the hallway for the completion of it. It was a 5 or 6 part report on the newly built fire truck that literally "had - to - be - perfect" (it could not even have "corrected" mistakes). My hands shook and I was filled with anxiety. My whole inner body, including my mind, was tense...I was so tense I could feel pressure in my head. It is truly hard to explain. I also had a very difficult time remembering. On many occasions, my boss would call me into his office for further instruction. I would clutch my notebook and pen and write frantically, otherwise, I would get back to my desk and think... "now what did he just ask me to do?" At home, I couldn't fall into a deep sleep... my mind raced constantly. No matter how hard I tried, I just could not get any rest. I was also very phobic in public. For example, when I was shopping and if I was comparing prices (which was very hard to do because of my state of mind), I would panic and think, are people looking at me? Have I been standing here too long? I wasn't sure what was wrong with me. WAS I GOING CRAZY? I was so scared...